I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
