i just wanna soil my oats bro
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
