Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
