i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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