First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
