So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
