Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
