omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
