3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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