I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if only i could text you this smell
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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