It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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