i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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