In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
