i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
