im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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