Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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