can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
