Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
