Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
