If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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