i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
