my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
