I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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