It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My ass is underappreciated
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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