highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize