there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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