i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
one might say we're banned from that church
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
