What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
