respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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