before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
