They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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