Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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