it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
