My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
