Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
