So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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