Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
