Welp...herpes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
