I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
