I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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