Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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