you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
