It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
