i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
