i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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