conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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