the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
