Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
