Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Shame - the story of my life.
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