You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You ruined the universe
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize