Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
